Cross-posted at Daily Kos.
With the author's permission, I am re-posting an essay here and around the internet to bring attention to the plight of the same-sex partners and children of LGB military servicemembers. I've posted here extensively on what it is to be a "silent partner" to a soldier. With "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and DOMA in place, these families not only go unrecognized and unsupported. They are forced to hide, in secrecy, silence, and shame, lest the brave troops they love and support are found out and discharged. DADT is still in effect. DOMA will be in effect for years to come. Our military families deserve better than this.
Tomorrow, First Lady Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden will launch the Military Families Initiative, designed to highlight the needs of military families and educate the public and private sector about the challenges we face. Because of DADT and DOMA, LGBT military families will not be included in this initiative. Our families go unrecognized, unprotected, and hidden out of necessity. We face the same challenges as straight military couples - the PCS moves every three years, the deployments, reintegration, injuries and PTSD. We also face additional challenges such as acquiring gainful employment and healthcare in each new duty station, moving families at our own expense, and teaching our children to never, ever talk with their friends or teachers about Mommy and Mama, or Daddy and Papa. Sometimes, we are left behind altogether due to a PCS move to an overseas duty station. We are isolated, closeted, and struggle on our own to make it through the bad times.
Our military families deserve better.
The Military Partners and Families Coalition is standing up to provide support, resources, and advocacy for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender military partners, allies, and their families. If you would like to join the network or learn more, please visit us on Facebook.
Originally posted at LGBT POV.
An Admiral Mullen Moment
By an LGBT Silent Partner
On Feb. 2, 2010, Admiral Mike Mullen, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, looked hostile Republican Senators in the eye and told them unwelcome news: He thinks gays should be allowed to serve openly in the armed forces. I was a witness to history in that Senate hearing and felt the wave of raw emotion that swept the room. Quiet, spontaneous weeping rippled through an audience peppered with gay and lesbian veterans. The highest ranking uniformed member of the military had just stated emphatically that currently serving gay and lesbian Servicemembers are worthy of our national respect.
It was a defining moment. “Speaking for myself and myself only, it is my personal belief that allowing gays and lesbians to serve openly would be the right thing to do,” the nation’s top military officer told the members of the Senate Armed Services Committee. “No matter how I look at this issue, I cannot escape being troubled by the fact that we have in place a policy which forces young men and women to lie about who they are in order to defend their fellow citizens. For me personally, it comes down to integrity — theirs as individuals and ours as an institution.”
On Tuesday, April 12, First Lady Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden will launch the Military Families Initiative to support and honor America’s service members and their families. The initiative aims to educate, challenge, and spark action from all sectors of our society — citizens, communities, businesses, non-profits, faith based institutions, philanthropic organizations, and government — to ensure military families have the support they have earned.
But this initiative will have a glaring omission. Our gay and lesbian families, serving in silence, will be overlooked. Our military families have invisibly navigated their daily lives through the unique challenge of serving this country under the “don’t ask don’t tell” policy and our families will continue to be invisible to the Military Families Initiative.
Our children will be in the classrooms that Mrs. Obama visits – though she just won’t know it because our children are conditioned not to tell. Our Soldiers will be on the bases she visits, but she won’t seek them out. Our families will be outside the front gate, but no one will invite us in.
We have shared the same sacrifices of our straight peers, without a Family Readiness Group to guide us. Our families are waiting to tell the First Lady our powerful stories of multiple deployments, changing jobs and school districts, missed graduations, and Skyped birthdays. We want the First Lady to understand that we also have struggled through family reintegration following grueling combat tours.
Mrs. Obama, how will you hear our stories? Do you and Dr. Biden even know that we exist?
The First Lady and Dr. Biden have an opportunity to educate American society with their own “Admiral Mullen Moment.” On April 12, their voices can speak for the invisible families, stating emphatically that the service and sacrifice of all military families deserve the support they have earned.